Until yesterday I had never told another soul about my discernment. I had gone to Church for the daily Mass and spent some time in Adoration both before and after Mass. I was praying for my discernment and during the Mass I just had this indescribable feeling that almost bought me to tears and in that moment the call was stronger than it ever has been. In the wake of that, I left after Adoration feeling surer than I ever have.
I cover my head for Mass and Adoration and when I leave the church I always stop in the entrance chamber to take of my scarf and look at the noticeboards. As I was reading the notices a woman came up to change the parish bulletin to next weeks one. We started talking, just generally about the city and the university – she had studied there before it was a university (ex-polytechnic). When she asked me what I was planning on doing after university, for the first time ever my response was “I’m thinking of becoming a nun.” As I discussed it with her I realised how much even just talking about it brought me joy. It felt like a light within me and just like during Mass I was almost bought to tears by it. Talking about it I just go so excited and felt so deeply and passionately about it, in a way I’ve never felt about anything before.
I’d love to be able to talk to my friends and family openly about this but I don’t feel I can. My sister would laugh, my mother would be horrified, my friends simply wouldn’t understand. Maybe as I become more sure of what my path is I will find the strength to be open to them and resist their criticisms. Until then, to add a more positive note, I’ve discovered there is a discernment group in my diocese that I’m going to contact and see how that goes. After yesterday, I’m excited to be able to discuss my discernment with others!