Missing

My entire life I felt like there was something missing. You’re forced to think about your future very young. I was choosing what I wanted to do at university from about 16. How on earth was I supposed to make a decision about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? I didn’t have the faintest idea of what I was going to do. I kept just going with whatever career suggestions were given to me but none of them ever felt right. No matter what I thought about I just couldn’t truly see them in my future. I pretended and tried to feel that these things could be my future but it wasn’t really there. The future remained this blank space in my life that no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t fill. It made me so unhappy because I felt like everyone else had things so sorted out but I just couldn’t seem to do the same thing. I desperately wanted to fill that blank space but couldn’t.

Religious life has finally filled that blank space. It is the missing piece in my heart. It’s what I realise now that I was always searching for. I am not unrealistic, I know it will not be easy. There will be hard times and there will be struggles. There will be tears and moments where I will want to give up. That is true of any state of life because that is simply the way this world is. But if that state of life is your calling them it is worth it. It is worth it because there is nothing else in the world that will give the same joy and it is that joy that makes the difficulties seem less difficult.

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