Signs

When I was on my-live in I was at one point very confused. I expected some kind of immediate answer. I realise now God was giving me time to experience the life before He gave me an answer. One afternoon during my private prayer I did something I’ve never done before: I asked God for a sign. I’ve never been one for signs, I know that God communicates with some people through signs but it’s never been that way for me. He speaks to me in a very interior way but at this point I couldn’t tell what was my voice and what was His voice. I know we shouldn’t ask God for signs, but I remember just praying, “I know I shouldn’t ask for a sign and I’m not but if there was ever a good time for a sign, now would be it.” It wasn’t so much a prayer for a sign but a prayer to hear His voice because I couldn’t then. My mind was so muddled and I think God was just waiting for me to be at that stage where I could say, “Okay, I don’t know where you’re leading me but whatever it is, I’ll do it, just tell me what it is.” The very next afternoon Mother Mistress caught me after Vespers and suggested we have another chat. The very first thing she asked me was if I’d ever thought about marriage. More than ever in that moment I heard the Lord telling me “no”. He didn’t send me a sign, He spoke to me just as He always has. He was just waiting for me to really listen. From that moment on I knew He really was leading me to religious life.

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