I have never forgiven myself for my mistakes. I wish more than anything that I could change the things I’ve done but I can’t. I feel tainted, I feel unclean. I’m not that person anymore. I know that. Two years later and I am not that person. But it still haunts me. I live in constant fear that people will find out and will judge me. More than that, I fear the things that are important to me will be taken from me because once people find out what I’ve done then that’s all they’ll see. Because sometimes it’s all I see. I feel like I can’t be forgiven. The worst part is that I can’t even remember why. If I had a reason, a real reason, I could make sense of it. But I don’t.
I feel like I’m being punished for my sins.