Right now, I honestly couldn’t tell you what I feel my vocation is. I’m discerning in a totally different way now. It used to be I had an idea of what the Lord was calling me to and was “testing the water” so to speak. I don’t know what it is that’s changed, if He’s stopped telling me for some reason or if I’m just not listening properly, but I’m having to learn to trust Him in a totally different way. Before I was on a path and trusting that He was leading me. Now I’m wandering through the woods blind and needing to trust that He will lead me to the right path, that He is leading me to the right path.
I’ve also had to learn a new kind of openness to His will. I feel at this point like the gates have been opened and that He could lead me anywhere. I’m having to learn to accept all those paths as possibilities and be able to say to the Lord, “I’ll do whatever Your will asks of me.” If He asks any one of those things of me I need to be able to say “Yes, Lord.” I’m not sure I’m quite there yet, but it’s not something that comes overnight. I’m having to learn to let go of things I never realised I was holding on to. Perhaps the Lord sees my unreadiness and is waiting for me to find the trust and the openness that I need to do His will.