So I posted this a few days ago about not really knowing at the moment what my vocation is. In light of that, I’ve decided perhaps I need a new beginning in all this. Not a wipe-clean kind of new beginning, but a back-to-basics kind of new beginning. I realised I’ve been trying to skip ahead, and looking too much at the ending and not enough at where I am now and what comes before I get there. I’m trying to refocus on building my relationship with God as I am now. Not as a discerner or as a future religious or whatever, but just as Emily. I need to find that foundation of simply who I am as a person before Him. I can’t try and build all those other things without that foundation. And I’m obviously not starting from scratch, but I do need to strip back a lot of what I had started taking for granted. I need to remember that my relationship with Him is not just about my future. It’s not just about discerning His will for my life as a whole, but His will for me right now. It’s difficult because I am not someone who likes uncertainties. Not knowing my future scares me. I know that trusting in God’s plan despite knowing what it might be is something that I know I need to work on.