I’m not nearly as spiritually strong as I used to be. I know my relationship with the Lord has been broken and at the weekend I made that first and most important step to repairing it – Reconciliation. And I feel so much better for it. Nothing has changed from Saturday to today, but I feel so different. I’m no longer defenceless and alone, because He is with me. And I might not be as close to Him as I used to be but I know that I can be again because He wants me to. I’m working on refreshing my prayer schedule so I hope that will be helpful to me as well. I need to add in something for midday prayer as well, since before I only had morning and evening.
I’m still slightly murky, discernment-wise. It’s difficult, because my family and friends are sure to start asking what I’m doing after college. The only decisive thing I have at this point is that I have to go back to St. Cecilia’s. Maybe that says more than I’m thinking it does but I just have this unmistakeable sense that I have to go back. I was devastated when I realised I won’t be able to go back in January like I had originally hoped. My term dates are just too short and I have my dissertation due too soon after to take three weeks out from that. And after Easter I have exams, so it may be that I can’t go back until after my exams. I must admit, I can imagine the abbey would seem even more wonderfully refreshing after all the stress of my last semester!