I meant to go to Reconciliation yesterday. Didn’t go. Sigh.
I’m struggling. The Spiritual Director suggestion keeps coming up so I’m going to have to actually start trying to work on that one and not just say I will. I have so much university work to do as well and I’m behind on that as well. I need to start actually getting things done and not just mess around. It’s hard to care about university at the moment, I’m so distracted, so I think having a Spiritual Director will help that as well because I can be more focused.
Although my recent posts may sound for those part very lost, I can see hope. Every day is still a roller-coaster of confusion and conflicting desires. But I can feel that I am beginning to find again that love and deep desire for the religious life. More and more each day I feel that little bit more sure that religious life where God is calling me to, and just as I feel more sure of that I feel more sure that I am willing and able to follow His will. Whereas up until now when my family has asked me whether I will join the community I have answered “I don’t know” I am finding more and more that I want the answer “yes” the next time. I don’t know when it will be, but I know I am going back for the second visit to St. Cecilia’s. And should it be His will, I will enter there.
I may not be out of the darkness yet but I can see the light.