A few days ago Mother Mistress sent me a very sweet email. I told her about my concerns with my confusion about my desire to return as opposed to whether it is God’s will for me to return. I also mentioned my thought of staying in their retreat house at some point in the new year and she agreed that was a good idea.
I’m still not sure that I’m called to religious life at this point in time, but I do also want to be sure. I did love St. Cecilia’s and I feel right now that religious life is my will, not the will of God. The thought of not being called to the religious life saddens me, but if I am not called then I can accept that.
In the end, I know that whatever God has planned for me is greater than I can possibly imagine.