Mourning and Mending

A few days ago, I did something I’d never managed to do. I emailed Mother Mistress. Before I get your hopes up, no I’m not going back. I simply told her what had happened since my visit, and she sent me a very sweet reply. It was nerve-wracking sending it, almost more than my first email to her (now such a long time ago). I am very aware that for a long time I’ve had my foot in the door, unwilling to let it go. I posted not all that long ago about my grieving for it, and oh I did grieve. I mourned and grieved and cried over the loss, and I now my posts on this blog have reflected that for some time. And I admit, when I read that email from Mother Mistress and I realised that I was long down another path, I cried again. I may feel that loss again, but I feel now that I have taken my foot out of the door and let it close behind me. Not only that, but I am okay with it. I’m not sure if I can say I am at peace just yet, but I am sure it is waiting for me. My faith has been tested and has faltered, and at times fallen away altogether. But I can feel now the broken pieces coming back together, and the mending has begun. 

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