When I stopped discerning religious life, I said I didn’t believe I was called to religious life. That was a lie. I realise in hindsight that I felt such pain and difficulty because I was trying to convince myself of something I didn’t truly believe. This is not a “I’m discerning religious life again” post, because I’m not. When I stopped discerning religious life, I lost a connection to God and to my faith and I can’t find it again.

I remember a time when I could be transfixed in Adoration and adore Him for hours, when my greatest and most ardent desire was for His will, when felt His presence in my life. I don’t feel any of that anymore. I don’t feel a call to anything, or even that He is present. Nothing has changed in what I believe and know to be true, but I want that devotion back, that deep presence of God in my life.

I need Him.


12 thoughts on “Lost

  1. ts says:

    I found your post interesting, it reminded me in part of Mother Teresa’s biography “Come Be My Light”. Initially she felt that God was very close to her, afterwards and for many years she felt that God had withdrawn from her. After many years of spiritual dryness it seems that God spoke to a priest and gave him a message to relay to her. I guess at some stage we all cry out the opening words of Psalm 22 “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

  2. lifesabanquet1 says:

    Hi there! I’m Heather and I was hoping you could answer my quick question I have about your blog! If you could email me at Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com I would greatly appreciate it!

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